Who’s in charge of those penny squashing machines you see at amusement parks and museums and aquariums? Those are the kinds of places and memories we deem important enough to imprint on official US coinage, but what if I want to remember other things? I think we should have some coin squashers at the supermarket so I can forever remember in alloy goodness, the day I saved $4 by buying 12 boxes of cereal. The machine would have to have picture options, like the standard squashers. Let’s see… you could choose from a picture of someone putting their hands all over every item in the produce department just in case you were thinking you might skip washing off your apples, a picture of a guy awkwardly picking out tampons for his wife, or a picture of a grocery cart headed for your parked car. I’m sure I’m not alone in my acquired cherished memories of the grocery store. It is a magical land with sweet smelling foods and more sugar than any being could ever ingest alone.
And how about the DMV? When you finally reach the front of the line – or even better – when you are done and leaving don’t you want something to commemorate the occasion? And of course there should be some set up at the bank. At the bank you could have all kinds of different sizes for different coins – the dime, the penny, the nickel, the quarter, the dollar coin, and the behemoth 50 cent piece, and for people who hate coins, have no respect for President Eisenhower what-so-ever and want the biggest piece of squashed metal they can find, the Eisenhower dollar. I wonder how big that would be when squished. You could have squashed coins the size of your head. The possibilities are really endless. I’m not sure why the machine owners don’t branch out a little – I mean who needs one more squashed penny from SeaWorld with a dolphin on it?
6 months ago